Learning from Those Different from You
In college you will encounter lots of different perspectives and that’s a good thing! We learn and grow from opposing viewpoints by:
- Listening actively. Focus on truly understanding the other person's viewpoint without interruption.
- Staying open-minded. Approach conversations with curiosity and a willingness to learn, not just to respond.
- Finding common ground. Identify shared values or goals to foster mutual understanding and respect.
Tips for Engaging in Civic Dialogue
Listen to learn, not just respond.
- Ask questions and paraphrase your understanding.
- Check your perceptions.
Be self-aware.
- How are your experiences shaping your perspective?
- What are you feeling?
- What choices do you have?
Try collaboration.
- Make shared understanding your goal and seek common ground.
Outsmart Your Brain!
During a disagreement, double-check your perceptions about someone—our brain is wired to perceive other groups as more extreme than they really are! Learn more about the perception gap.
Understanding Conflict
Here are some tips on how to improve a conflict rather than avoid or escalate.
Prepare for the conversation: What might this situation look like from their perspective? What is your goal?
Lead with your experience: Use “I” language.
Check your perception: Think about the story you are telling yourself. Ask them about their experience.
Describe rather than evaluate: Assume good intentions, and consider you might not have all of the answers.
Solve the problem, not the person: What is important to each of you? How can you both get what you need? Plan a time to follow up afterwards.
Navigating Conflicts
Did you know that when our ideas are attacked our brains treat it like we are being attacked (Constructive Dialogue Institute)?
This triggers our fight/flight/freeze response!
Fight = argue or defend
Flight= avoid or withdraw
Freeze= unable to respond or act
What’s the solution when we feel like our ideas are being attacked?
Detect = What do you notice about yourself?
Body = Did your heart race, muscles tense, or your breathing get shallow?
Emotions = Did you feel frustration, anger, shame?
Behaviors = Did you unconsciously raise your voice?
Reflect = Pause the panic by slowing things down. Take deep breaths and focus on the present.